Recovery & Rediscovery: I’m not pregnant, I’m eating.

One moment at a time is my new mantra.

Since I’ve cut some habits out of my life, I’ve rediscovered food. As an on-the-go single mom and a super-hero battling depression with some broken coping mechanisms, I had a love/hate relationship with healthy eating. The result was I was not a breakfast person (excusable because what mom has time for a real breakfast?), rarely ate a real lunch (excusable because what professional really takes time for lunch?) and often made up for lost meals during dinner or random midnight fridge raids (everybody does it).

Now my daughter is in year two of college and I am an at home, newlywed creative person,  104 days into a 12-step lifestyle and I have been reintroduced to what it’s like to have an appetite. To be honest, I’ve fallen for food.

I realize now that I have missed out on so much and my taste buds want to make up for lost time. The weight came on so fast I didn’t have time to work it off. I went from a four to an eight and then to a twelve in about two months.

Of all the questions I’ve been asked, “are you pregnant?” is number one. While I understand the surprise at sudden weight gain, I’m astonished that people really think it is okay to ask such a question as if they have a right to know something that I haven’t voluntarily told them.

I’m almost equally surprised at the disbelief on people’s faces when I say, no–I’m just fat. It’s an awkward moment.

I haven’t adjusted to this weight myself. I’m finding it difficult to look myself in the round face and feel like the me I’ve been looking at for 36 years. I’m trying to catch up with it all and learn to pace myself in the kitchen (no more mid-night snacks and farewell to ice cream).

But worse, I’m trying to let my facial expression catch up to my ears and mouth every time someone asks me if my husband and I are having a baby.  There are so many serious reasons why asking this question should be off-limits. First and foremost, assuming that if it was necessary for the asker to know, the question wouldn’t need to be asked. Additionally, what happens once the question is asked and answered–do I get a prize? Work out tips? How is it going to make you feel now that you’ve basically said I’m big enough to be carrying a baby and far enough along to be showing.

I can understand the burning desire to know if there’s a new baby on the way. Especially if you think the couple would be great parents–(do they even want kids? Don’t ask!). But there are more than a few reasons that women put on weight. In my case, it’s because I’m taking life one moment at a time and rediscovering all that I missed out on along the way. Yes, I’m doing much better and I’m getting healthier–I know that’s what you really wanted to know, anyway.


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